Chapter 2

I'm Katie, and I live in Portland, OR. This is my personal blog.

Tumblr is where you’re allowed to post the embarrassing “crying, in a bath towel, feeling like the shittiest person alive” pictures right? 
My head hurts and my heart hurts.

Tumblr is where you’re allowed to post the embarrassing “crying, in a bath towel, feeling like the shittiest person alive” pictures right? 
My head hurts and my heart hurts.

2 weeks ago

august

•manage my money wisely and effectively
•go to one place in oregon I haven’t
•document my trip to Boise better than I have done my trips in the past.
•loosen my grip/realize I do not have control over situations or people
•camp and/or stay in a yert(yurt?) at the beach
•go back to being a redhead-blonde you’ve been fun but I’m ready to be myself again
•use my camera at least 3 times
•enjoy seeing jenny lewis and brand new in concert (that’s a given.. I just wanted to brag a little)

I’m seriously shocked that it is already august. The last week of the month will mark one year in portland for me. I’m ready to make the next few weeks good ones, to truly enjoy the rest of my summer by setting myself up for less stress and more fun.

Frustrated with being lonely.
Being without soft, physical connection.
Tired of feeling like this.

The last few days have me missing Arizona, but in a totally different way than I have. Coming up on one year away from home makes me realize that my attachment to Prescott and the people in it has been sort of abruptly removed in my head. I always think about home but only now see that home doesn’t think about me. I don’t mean that in a bad way, but everything moves on. And here I am in my own place that I’ve made my new life. It’s a good feeling but one that also brings sadness, because I’ll never have those times back. It’s a strange nostalgia I’ve never felt before and am obviously having a hard time putting into words. But I am sort of having the time of my life, regardless of missing my parents constantly and wishing I could spend my time with Connor.  I think for the first time ever portland really does feel like home, my place, not somewhere I am temporarily until I go back.

The last few days have me missing Arizona, but in a totally different way than I have. Coming up on one year away from home makes me realize that my attachment to Prescott and the people in it has been sort of abruptly removed in my head. I always think about home but only now see that home doesn’t think about me. I don’t mean that in a bad way, but everything moves on. And here I am in my own place that I’ve made my new life. It’s a good feeling but one that also brings sadness, because I’ll never have those times back. It’s a strange nostalgia I’ve never felt before and am obviously having a hard time putting into words. But I am sort of having the time of my life, regardless of missing my parents constantly and wishing I could spend my time with Connor. I think for the first time ever portland really does feel like home, my place, not somewhere I am temporarily until I go back.

1 month ago

After a long weekend of drinking and having to wake up early this morning, it feels so indescribably good to go to bed fresh out of the shower, all shaved and smooth and smelling good wearing clothes right out of the dryer. I’m going to sleep like a lil baby tonight!

I wish

It were easier for me to express the way I feel, or the insecurities I have, or how vulnerable I really am.
Like.. I really didn’t want to feel like this again.

Head vs. Heart. Always. And the one you chose never seems to be the right one.